I have a wonderful wife that I love very much. I am thankful that I don’t have to worry about being on the dating scene.
About a month ago, a woman (I don’t know if this is her real name, but she called herself Alicia) decided to make a TikTok at the end of her date.
A gentleman named Jay attempted to take her on a date. Alicia was wearing a green dress with a plunging neckline. Her long black hair was immaculately braided.
She was definitely in date mode. However, in the video, she had a mortified look on her face. He is driving her to Cheesecake Factory - a modest food chain that sells almost everything. When they arrive in front of the restaurant, she refuses to leave the car. He tells her that he will take her home.
There is no negotiation on his part. She kept on saying "For Real? Is this how you want to end things?'" She talks about her standards. He mentions his. There is no argument or anything. He says that he isn't very demanding. He expects respect and feels disrespected in this situation. She stares at the camera. Instant virility.
We later find out in a newspaper article that the Cheesecake Factory was a backup. Jay picked her up on time to go to their previous location. The implication was that this was a fancy restaurant that takes reservations.
According to his side of the story, she kept him waiting downstairs in the car for an hour without inviting him up to wait for her to get ready for her date. Alicia didn’t know him so waiting upstairs wasn’t an option. There hasn’t been any other addition to the story. We don’t know if she had an emergency or if she had to work late. The implication is that she was taking her time.
When he drives up to the Cheesecake Factory, he gets out of the car to open the door for her. She refuses to get out of the car and orders him back in. She claims she is too beautiful to be seen in a food chain. Her friends would laugh at her. For him, enough was enough.
While I could easily talk about dating, let's talk about identity.
There are a ton of people in the world who like to imagine themselves as kings and queens.
Because I am Black, I talk about the African-American community because that is what I know. These are human characteristics, and not race-specific. I'm not familiar with other communities or people groups so I can’t speak about them.
Keep in mind that this doesn’t apply to all of us. If it doesn’t apply, let it fly.
Black folk - we take these names far too literally.
Back in the day, when someone called you homie, it was short for your homeboy, your friend. A lot of us use the phrase King or queen. What’s up, King? What’s up, Queen?
The African American community is vulnerable to names - mainly because we have always been called the N-word and have had to define and redefine our relationship to that word. Being victims of chattel slavery, our identity was taken from us. ’That’s not your name anymore - your name is George’.
If you want to see an example of this, take a look at the movie ’12 Years a Slave’. Africans were being sold off, slapped and tested on their sides like meat, and given the names of their owners.
Consequently, it’s in our culture to define ourselves.
We even define it down to the letter. Nigga is cool, but the ‘er’ at the end is not.
In the 70s, people used the word ‘blood’ to signify that we are blood brothers or sisters. For a short time in the modern era, people used to use the word ‘fam’ which is short for family.
To further bolster our self-esteem, we have knighted ourselves.
Awesome! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I also suspect that other people groups will start to emulate us.
The problem is when we use these nicknames to justify narcissistic behavior.
A few years ago, I read a Medium article where the woman said that Black men shouldn't ever be called kings. I don't want to give the name of the person who wrote these articles.
She started to go on about how we are the lowest in all metrics - home ownership, education, small businesses, earnings, etc. Therefore, Black men shouldn’t be called kings. Black men need to get the word ‘King’ out of our mouths.
Furthermore, since Black women are leading Black men in education, homeownership, etc., Black men should call them queens. When I countered the author regarding her misandry, she doubled down on her statements and insulted me.
Another great example is the Grammy award-winning singer Lauryn Hill. The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill was transformational. The first time I heard the album I immediately knew it was going to be Album of the Year.
Since then, Hill has developed a reputation for showing up insultingly late for her shows. She keeps audiences waiting up to 2 hours per show. In the 90s, it was okay because she was a super hot artist, and - well, that’s how artists acted back then.
Fast forward to 2023. The climate has changed. We like nice artists. Besides, The luster has worn out. With no new albums since 1998 and coasting on her legend and talent, people are tired of her disrespective attitude. She has gotten dropped and sued by event promoters. She quickly fires band members. She has flown artists out to other countries to perform and auditioned other musicians for their spots while in that foreign country.
Men have succumbed to this as well.
In modern Christianity, the Bible tells women to submit to their husbands because the husband is the head of the household.
However, men have been demanding that women be submissive in the household, whether they are Christians or not. There aren't any requirements for the men. The men expect submission whether they have jobs or not. Even if they aren't being faithful, taking care of their children or even being present in the home, they still deserve submission.
A great example is the rise of the Black gentlemen derisively known as Hoteps.
The term describes Black men who are supposed pro-Black but who at the same time exhibit transphobic, homophobic, and misogynistic attitudes towards other marginalized communities.
They also tend to support any predatory Black male just because they are Black. A perfect example is Dick Gregory who still supports Bill Cosby's innocence.
We have to adopt the positive aspects of nobility and throw away the nihilistic, sociopathic behavior.
